


Vanilla Birthday Cake or Not Everyone Can Be A Sex God

by imogeline



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Bad Sex, Fluff, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-12
Updated: 2018-04-12
Packaged: 2019-04-22 02:42:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14299029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imogeline/pseuds/imogeline
Summary: “S-so, Momota-kun, your other present is, uh,” Shuichi reaches up to tug at his bangs, “it’s, um, it’s me.”He’s about to stutter out an apology for ever thinking of saying those words when Kaito answers, “I, uh, was kinda hoping it would be.” He coughs into his fist. “That’s not weird, right?”---Shuichi wants to do something special for Kaito's birthday.





	Vanilla Birthday Cake or Not Everyone Can Be A Sex God

Maki had few close friends. Among those friends she would count Shuichi, though she also knew that Kaito knew him infinitely better even before the two had begun dating. After four months, she was fairly certain her knowledge on the boy in question was likely half a paragraph in comparison to Kaito’s encyclopedia. However she was privy to one fact that Kaito appeared oblivious to. 

Maki was about eighty percent sure that Shuichi would actually drop dead from sheer embarrassment if he were to overhear their current conversation. 

It had been four months since the two boys had begun dating and Kaito’s birthday was approaching and he assumed that meant the two of them would do something “special” (Kaito had made a point to pause here, look over his companions, and say “y’know sex stuff?”) after his party. His choice of confidants on this matter were herself—good choice—Tsumugi—bad choice—and Miu—absolutely god-awful. 

Well, Maki couldn’t really put that last one on Kaito as he had approached her when she and Tsumugi were speaking at a small cafe, and Miu seemed to possess bloodhound like senses to hone in on any conversation about sex even close to her vicinity. Still, Maki was at least vaguely concerned that Kaito’s first choice for conversation partners about gay sex were all girls. 

This did not seem to bother him. It also definitely did not bother Tsumugi. She clasped her hands. “Have I ever mentioned how much I love you two together?” she practically squealed. “You two must have the perfect uke-seme dynamic.”

“Oh for the love God,” Maki grumbled at roughly the same time Kaito furrowed his brow and asked “what the hell is that?”

“It’s fucking sub-dom is what it is,” Miu cackled. “She’s asking who tops.”

Tsumugi huffed. “It _is_ not. Uke-seme relationships are about much more than whose—” she gestured vaguely with her hands, trying to find the words “—pitcher and catcher during sex!” 

Maki decided she would rather die than continue having this conversation. She would have left then and there if it weren’t for the deeply confused, glazed-over look on Kaito’s face. “What… what does baseball have to do with sex?”

A silence fell over the table. Then Miu began practically shrieking with laughter. “Holy shit, you don’t know? God you are such a fucking virgin!” 

“Hey, shut up!” Kaito shouted back at her, sending Miu skittering into a series of snivels. “And I’m the only goddamn person here who is getting any.”

“Which raises the question,” Maki began, “of why you’re asking us for advice in the first place.”

“Because, like,” Kaito ran a hand through his hair. “We need to do something special, right?”

Maki shrugged. “It’s _your_ birthday. You should do whatever you want to.”

“Ah! This is the perfect time to act out whatever kinky fantasy your heart desires!” Tsumugi chirped. “Personally, if I had a steady relationship I would definitely use this as an opportunity for some role-playing. But,” she tapped a finger to her chin, “which of my OTPs would I use?”

“Oi, she’s right,” Miu said seemingly returned from cowering. “I mean, under all the anime-shit, birthday sex is perfect for whatever weird shit you want to do.” She smirked. “So what weird shit do you want to do?”

Kaito frowned, not in displeasure but in deep thought. “Um, well…”

-

“S-so, uh,” Shuichi was the reddest Kaede had ever seen and his voice raised in octaves the longer he spoke. “I-I was thinking maybe… maybe we could, uh, make l-love with the lights on?” He seemed to be barely resisting the urge to cover his face with his hands. “W-w-would that be something?”

Kaede gave him a pained smile. “Uh,” she stretched out the syllable, mind racing to find words of encouragement. “That’s… good… but maybe do something a little more adventurous? And have the lights on?”

“B-but what if—!” Shuichi began before suddenly becoming startled by the rising volume of his own voice. “What if… if I suggest something and he thinks it’s weird and he—”

Kaede raised her hand to silence him. “What did I say about thinking that way?”

Shuichi sighed before reciting, “He isn’t going to dump me over one dumb mistake. He isn’t that kind of person.”

“Right,” she smiled. “And you should give him some credit. You’ve been dating for four months,” and you haven’t had sex with the lights on she thought to herself, holding back a smile, “I seriously doubt he’s going to cut and run because you want to experiment in the bedroom.”

He bit his lip. “Really?”

“Yes, really,” Kaede lightly punched his shoulder. “Besides, I think lots of people would actually be pretty excited if their partner wanted to try doing something kinky.”

His face erupted into a blush. “A-Akamatsu-san, please! N-not so loud.”

She did laugh then, though not directly as his expense. “Don’t worry—there’s no one around to hear even if they wanted to. Also I’d like to think most people have more to do than listen in on a stranger talk about his sex life.”

Shuichi frowned. “Yeah, I guess you’re right…”

-

Maki could see the glob of spit fly from Miu’s mouth as she shrieked: “You’ve never tried anal!?” 

“No! It’s weird!” 

Tsumugi scrunched her eyebrows together. “It’s really not. If you look at any fanfic archive, anal sex is always one of the top tags for m/m pairings.”

“I don’t want anything up my ass! That sounds painful as fuck!” 

“THAT’S WHY YOU USE FUCKING LUBE!” Miu was standing, slamming her fists on the table. “YOU’RE TWO GAY MEN! HOW THE FUCK HAVE YOU HAD SEX WITHOUT ANAL!?”

“I don’t know!?” Kaito yelled back. “We do other shit!” 

Tsumugi put a hand to her chin in thought. “Maybe Iruma-san was right earlier… maybe you are a virgin and just didn’t know?”

Maki was practically thrilled when a poor waiter came over to tell them to leave.

Outside the café, Tsumugi suddenly pointed at Kaito, as if she had just come to a sudden realization. “What about fetishes?” 

-

“You know,” Kaede said. “Your fantasies matter, too. I mean, it is his birthday, but you should be happy with whatever you pick as well.”

Shuichi began tugging on his bangs. “I guess you’re right… it’s just so awkward to talk about…”

“Yeah,” she said. “But if you’re too embarrassed to say it, could you do it? And could you communicate to him what you want to do?” 

“Ah,” he said. “I guess I couldn’t…”

“Yup,” Kaede pumped her fists. “So you gotta be confident. Confidence is really sexy too.”

“Akamastsu-san!” He squeaked again, quickly looking around to see if anyone was potentially listening in on their conversation. They were alone in the lounge area, save for the occasional fellow student walking by, but it was still enough to cause Shuichi to hurriedly quiet her anytime she said anything that could be construed as lewd. 

“Saihara-kun,” she mimed back, putting her hands on her waist. “I told you before, no one’s listening. And even if they were: have confidence! You have a stable relationship with your muscle-y boyfriend and want to rock his world. You have nothing to be ashamed of!” 

His eyes were still downcast and his face still red, but Kaede could see a smile reaching up at his lips. The little smile made Kaede smile. He really did love Kaito, even if she thought he could be kind of an idiot sometimes. 

-

“It doesn’t have to be a foot fetish,” Maki had cut in sharply. “Let’s stop talking about foot fetishes and agree never to speak of them again.” 

Kaito waved his hands. “I didn’t bring it up! Iruma’s the one who started talking about body parts.” 

Tsumugi nodded. “Well, yes, but Harukawa-san’s right. You can have a fetish for any part of the body—it doesn’t need to be feet.” She looked up suddenly lost in thought. “But that’s always the first place everyone’s minds go…why is that?”

“My point is,” Miu snorted, “when you two have your painfully vanilla-virgin sex, is there any body part he’s really into? Or you’re really into? Like, if you could only fuck one—”

“Places on the body you pay particular interest to when you have sex.” Maki interjected. “That’s it. That’s all she is asking.”

“Oh, well,” Kaito suddenly smiled. “Shuichi’s neck is really sensitive. Does that count?”

“His neck…” Tsumugi trailed off. “Oh, maybe you could do a vampire role play!”

“Please,” Miu waved her hand dismissively. “Blood-play is way above—”

“You like his neck,” Maki said. “Or he likes his neck being touched. Is that right?”

“Yeah,” Kaito had a soft smile. “Sometimes when we’re cuddling—like watching one of his cop shows or whatever—and I’ll start rubbing the back of his neck, and he just goes totally lax. Like,” there was a brightness on Kaito’s face as he recalled the memory, “he completely melts against me. It’s pretty cute.” 

Maki nodded as Kaito inadvertently reminded her as to why she had not simply booked it down the street, pretending to not know any of them. Kaito did love Shuichi, and she did want them to be happy together, even if it meant suffering through conversations like this one. “Alright, do you do this when you have sex?”

“Uh,” Kaito scratched the back of his head. “Sometimes? Like I said, he’s really sensitive, and I don’t want to freak him out or anything.” 

Tsumugi had put a finger to her chin. “Over-stimulation can be pretty good, too…”

“Ha!” Miu laughed. “I thought we ruled rough-sex right the fuck out. Momota’s too afraid of hurting his little bottom-bitch—”

“I said not to call him that!” Kaito all but roared. Miu ducked behind Tsumugi—still lost in thought, recalling old fanfics she had perused—for cover. “I just,” he shoved his hands in his pockets. “I just don’t like seeing him in pain, alright?” 

“Which is why we agreed to talk about things that are unlikely to cause pain,” Maki continued. “We already established this, and I personally would prefer not to retread old ground in this godforsaken conversation.” 

“Oh, hear me out on this,” Tsumugi suddenly responded. “What about…”

-

“…we just practice right now. Just the two of us, okay?” Kaede repositioned herself on the couch, directly facing Shuichi. “Just pretend I’m Momota-kun, okay?”

He squeezed his eyes shut, let out a shaky breath and said “O-o-okay.”

Kaede pitched her voice as low as she could without sounding completely ridiculous. “So, Shuichi, what did you say you wanted to do tonight?”

Shuichi opened and closed his mouth a few times, eyes still closed tight. He let out another sigh, then looked at Kaede, and said in a small voice “I can’t do this.”

“Yes, you can!” She said. “You love Momota-kun, right?”

“Yes.”

“And he loves you, right?”

“Y-yes,” he said, blushing. 

“And you want to do something special for him! What’s the problem?”

“T-the problem is—!” Shuichi grabbed a piece of paper off the coffee table in front of him. He pointed to it, jabbing his fingers at the carefully scripted dirty-talk Kaede had written out for him. “I can’t say this!” 

“You can,” she persisted, pushing the paper to his chest. “For our first runs, you can even read straight off the paper, too, okay? Then with enough practice, saying them aloud will be the easiest thing in the world.” 

He bit his lip, eyes racing over his lines one more time. Then he looked up at her. “Do other people do this?”

“Rehearse what they want to say to someone they like?” Kaede asked, a hint of mocking in her voice. “No, I think you’re the first person ever to.”

Shuichi frowned. “You know what I mean.” 

“And you know what I mean,” she said. “There’s nothing strange about this, so there’s no need to be so nervous.” 

“I know, I know,” he sighed again. “I just don’t want this to turn into anything weird.”

-

“I got it!” Miu slammed her fist into her palm. “Maybe you’re a bondage man!”

Maki pinched the bridge of her nose. 

“So imagine this,” Miu continued, “you walk into your bedroom, and you see Shyhara, hands tied behind his back, a gag in his mouth, totally at your mercy. What do you do?”

“I untie him,” Kaito answered plainly, clearly disturbed by the image Miu conjured up. 

“Wrong!” Miu shouted. 

“She means, what do you do sexually?” Tsumugi said. “Like, you see him and think ‘wow, I feel really…’ fill in the blank.”

“‘I feel really angry,” Kaito responded. “I’m going to beat up whoever did this.’”

“But you’re the one who did it,” Tsumugi insists.

“Why would I do that?” 

“Because it’s hot as fuck! Especially with a submissive twink like—” 

To avoid another bout of yelling, Maki quickly supplied, “What if you’re the one tied up?”

“Oh, and Saihara-kun’s the dominant?” Tsumugi cooed. “I never thought of that! What do you think of that?” 

Kaito scrunched up his nose. “I think I would hate being tied up. Why the fuck would anyone want to do that?”

“Hey!” Miu growled. “No goddamn kink shaming when we’re talking about fucking kinks.” 

“That reminds me!” Tsumugi clapped her hands together. “You will never guess who I found out was into bondage the other day!”

And with that Maki turned to Kaito. “You’re my friend and I want you to be happy, but if I have to stay here for another second I am going to murder someone.” Probably Miu, who was rapid fire listing off names to Tsumugi. 

“Yeah, I think I’ve had enough of this, too. This,” Kaito frowned, “wasn’t helpful at all. In any way.” 

Maki nodded. “No, but really what could have—”

“It’s Shinguji-kun!” 

“What the fuck, Shirogane!? Any stupid fuck could have guessed that fucking shit! You take one look at that gimp and—”

Maki grabbed Kaito by the arm and dragged him away without a word passing between them. 

-

The party itself goes off without a hitch. There’s cake, friends, presents, and Shuichi quietly coming up to him with his face flushed to whisper that he has another present for him when they’re alone. Kaito nods dumbly along at the comment and finds himself holding Shuichi’s hand for the rest of the night. 

Shuichi stands glued to Kaito’s side when everyone files out of the suite. Kaede squeezes his shoulder and gives him a reassuring smile while Maki stands next to her mouthing, “Don’t fuck it up” to Kaito. 

Tsumugi giggles “Good luck!” and last is Miu, loudly stage whispering “I still vote for dick in the ear.”

Kaito physically shoves her out of the door, and the two of them are alone. Shuichi’s bright red, and says “Uh, so your present’s in the,” he takes in a breath of air and releases it. “In th-the bedroom.”

“Uh, yeah,” Kaito rubs the back of his head. “We should… go there.”

Shuichi nods, and, after a moment of hesitation, takes Kaito’s hand to guide him to his modest dorm bed. He closes the door behind them, leaning back against the cool wood. Kaito’s already sat down on his bed, casually looking around the room. Shuichi clears his throat and tries to keep his voice as level as possible when he recites Kaede’s script. “S-so, Momota-kun, your other present is, uh,” he reaches up to tug at his bangs, “it’s, um, it’s me.” 

Kaito’s head snaps to him, and Shuichi’s about to stutter out an apology for ever thinking of saying those words when Kaito answers, “I, uh, was kinda hoping it would be.” He coughs into his fist. “That’s not weird, right?”

“N-no!” he says too quickly, wincing at the sound of his own voice. “I-I mean, let’s just, you know…” he gestures vaguely with his hands, feeling his face heat up. 

Kaito takes a moment to blink at him. “Oh,” he says. “Oh—yeah, that sounds good.”

Shuichi takes a breath to steady himself before taking a step towards Kaito who then immediately holds up a hand, saying, “oh, Shuichi, you forgot the lights.”

Shuichi feels the warmth in his cheeks intensify as he continues walking towards Kaito to take a seat on the bed beside him. “Ah, no,” he says. “I, um, I didn’t.”

“Oh.”

They sit quietly for a moment in which Shuichi’s hands remain in tight fists in his lap, wondering if there’s any way he could take it back and race across the room without making things more awkward. Then he hears Kaito shift and feels his arm—warm and familiar and supportive—slowly warp around his waist. Shuichi can’t help the small smile tugging at his lips as his heart feels slightly lighter at the small gesture. 

He thinks that maybe this wasn’t all a huge mistake, and Kaito says, “So, you, uh, wanna get started?”

“Y-yeah, but,” Shuichi shifts to face him and is slightly comforted by the sight of blush creeping up Kaito’s face as well. “Is it alright if I say something first. I,” he fidgets, finding it hard to keep eye contact. “I kinda want to try something… different.”

Kaito’s eyes widen. “Uh, sure go ahead,”

“Okay,” Shuichi takes a deep breath. Be confident. “S-so, since it’s your birthday, I thought we could do something special. I-I could, um, take care of you.”

Kaito blinks at him, processing his words. Then he furrows his brow. “Like… how?”

Shuichi finds himself at a slight loss, realizing he didn’t have a plan in the event that things went off script. “Oh, uh, just,” he realizes what he’s about to say a second before it comes out of his mouth, and his voice drops to barely above a whisper. “You could just lie down and I could… could,” he gestures vaguely. Any attempts at dirty talk end before they began. “D-do stuff.”

Kaito tears his gaze away from him and frowns, something Shuichi has come to recognize means he’s thinking very hard about something. “If you want to,” he says after too long a pause.

“I do,” he says hurriedly, and Kaito sends him a searching look that makes Shuichi feel guilty for some reason he can’t quite articulate. 

But Kaito nods in confirmation and shifts, pulling himself back so he’s lying down. Shuichi knows that if he doesn’t follow him, he’ll never work up the courage to, and he forces himself to sit astride Kaito’s hips before he can over think his actions. 

Kaito reaches up to help steady him by lightly gripping his waist, and Shuichi feels himself somehow flush anew at the sight before him as he does his own part to stay balanced by letting his hands fall to Kaito’s forearms. Even once he becomes secure, Shuichi’s hands stray up and down the lengths of Kaito’s rather muscular arms, bare in only his T-shirt. 

Kaito quirks an eyebrow but smiles at the gesture, and it’s enough to encourage Shuichi to attempt round two of dirty talk. “Ah, you’re, uh, you,” he finds his tongue tied before he begins. “Y-you have arms, Momota-kun.”

“I—” Kaito blinks at him. “Yeah.” 

Shuichi grimaces at his mistake, his only saving grace that Kaito didn’t opt to tease him over it. His internal line of thought berating himself is cut off by Kaito clearing his throat. “You know, Shuichi,” he says. “We’ve been dating for a while, so you can call me by my first name if you want.”

“Oh, I-I can do that.” Shuichi looks down again, really taking in the feel of Kaito’s arms under his fingers, his hands on his waist, his warmth, the sheer image of Kaito smiling supportively up at him. “I know this isn’t much, but… happy birthday, Kaito-kun.” 

Kaito grins, and one of his hands on Shuichi’s waist abandons its position to cup his face and draw him down into a chaste kiss. “Don’t have to apologize,” he murmurs. “Just happy being with you.”

Shuichi smiles, and all of a sudden feels the confidence Kaede had been trying to instill in him. “I know, and thank you,” he says. “But… that’s kinda why I want to do something special. You… you really deserve it.”

“Well,” Kaito lets out a breathy laugh, “how can I say no to that?”

That’s enough encouragement for Shuichi to lean down to kiss him again, longer this time, and he feels one of Kaito’s hand gently rub up and down his back. It’s soothing, and Shuichi lets himself finally relax, just enjoying the feel of Kaito’s touch, his mouth on his, the slight shifting movements he makes underneath him. 

Then Kaito’s hand still cupping his cheek strays down to the back of his neck, gingerly running over the skin just above his collar. 

Shuichi jerks at the touch, pulling away too fast, clacking their teeth together uncomfortably in the process. Kaito’s pushing himself up onto his elbows at roughly the same time Shuichi almost involuntarily brings his hand to his slightly injured mouth. In Shuichi’s scrambling, Kaito sits up more, saying, “hey, Shu—” when Shuichi’s elbow collides with his face. 

Shuichi only realizes what’s happened when he fully makes it off of Kaito and looks back to see him suddenly clutching his nose and cursing to himself. “M-Momota-kun?”

Kaito keeps one hand pressed to his nose, while the other gives him a weak thumbs up in assurance. His voice sounds slightly muffled as he says, “‘m okay—it’s—fuck—it’s okay, just need to, shit, go to the bathroom real quick.”

He hurries off of the bed and through a side door to his bathroom without another word, and Shuichi is left alone with the blood that managed to drip on to his sheets. He stares at it vacantly for a moment, his thoughts a stream of pure horror at his actions, before suddenly springing to life to rush after him. 

Kaito’s standing before the sink, gingerly touching his now slightly bruised nose and cursing to himself. Shuichi hesitates in the door frame, calling, “Momota-kun?”

“Uh, sorry, Shuichi, kinda—fuck—kinda busy right now,” he says. 

Shuichi immediately busies himself by going through a drawer in the bathroom cabinet immediately closest to him. “Where do you keep your bandages? Or,” he looks back at Kaito over his shoulder and hurries over to him. “Tilt your head up, ah,” he pulls Kaito’s hands away to lean closer, “let me see,” and gingerly grabs his chin to direct his head to give him a better look. “I don’t think it’s broken, though you probably still shouldn’t move your head too fast.”

“Shuichi—”

“Ah, sorry, Momota-kun, please keep looking up.”

Kaito seems on the verge of saying something else, but keeps quiet as Shuichi continues to flutter around him, instructing him how to hold his head, pulling bandages out of his cabinets, and once to the kitchen to retrieve a makeshift icepack. 

Kaito lets it happen, and soon enough he’s seated back on his bed, a plastic bag of ice wrapped in a towel pressed to his face, and Shuichi by his side, fretting over every turn of his head. He rambles absently about proper care or if maybe they should go to the hospital just to make sure before his words slow to a lull then stop altogether. After a brief pause, he lets out a deep breath. “I’m so sorry, Momota-kun. This is all my fault. I-I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“It’s okay, man,” Kaito says. “Know you didn’t do it on purpose. Stuff like this just happens sometimes.” 

Shuichi keeps frowning. “Thank you, but I don’t know if that’s true. Stuff like… this doesn’t seem to be so hard or go so wrong for other people.”

Kaito takes a second to catch his meaning. Then he swings his arm not occupied with holding ice to his nose over Shuichi’s shoulders, pulling him closer. “Yeah, well, fuck other people.”

“Momota-kun?”

He shrugs. “I got caught up trying to figure shit out, too, but all I learned is that I don’t want to be like everyone else.” He squeezes Shuichi’s shoulder as he grins at him. “Like I said, I just wanna be with you—no pressure, no weird shit. Just us.”

Shuichi smiles for the first time since they had fled to the bathroom. “That’s very nice of you, but… I still wish I could have done something special, or at least not hurt you on your birthday.”

Kaito has to nod in agreement even though Shuichi sends him a chastising look for the movement. “Yeah. Well, I dunno, maybe I’ll never get it, but I think just hanging out with you is pretty special. So,” he shifts backwards on the bed like he had done previously. “Hang out with me.”

Shuichi hesitates for a second before scrambling after him to properly adjust the pillows behind Kaito’s head to support him. When he finishes, he settles next to him, head resting on Kaito’s shoulder and his arm wrapped around him. They lie there quietly for a moment and Shuichi feels Kaito gently squeeze one of his skinny arms as he says, “Hey, Shuichi, you have arms.”

Kaito starts laughing slightly as Shuichi groans and buries his face in his hands. “I thought you were just going to let that go…”

“Nah,” he says. “It was cute.”

“Momota-kun…”

“Here,” Kaito says. “I’ll forget it, if you forget that.”

Shuichi glances up from his hands to see Kaito grinning down at him. “Forget what?”

“Let me just be ‘Kaito’ again,” he says. “Like I said, I like it when it’s just me and you—nothing special.”

“Ah, okay,” Shuichi says, feeling his face flush again, though this time there’s no embarrassment. Just warmth. “Kaito. Um,” he leans up to press a kiss to Kaito’s check. “Happy birthday, and i-if you want to, there’s probably some stuff we can still do…”

“Oh, sure. Wanna hit the lights?”

“Uh, yeah.”

**Author's Note:**

> this is a fic i started writing almost a year ago for kaito's birthday but i was too embarrassed to post it jskdf but here it is!!! happy birthday, kaito!!!


End file.
